I haven’t beaten Tales of Vesperia yet. I have about fifteen or so hours left (depending on grinding should I get stuck and need more levels) but it’s not holding my attention anymore. It’s not that I don’t like it; it’s actually one of my favorite games I’ve ever played at this point in the story. It’s that my mind won’t quiet down and let me focus.  

Part of why I’m an author is my mind is always working. I think about all sorts of things, often reading up on random topics at three am in the search for more useless knowledge, and the best way for me to manage the flooding thoughts is to write. What I think about and what I write isn’t always connected (though depending on what I’m working on it might very well be) but when my mind reaches a certain point of exhaustion I can stop thinking long enough to focus on other things.  

However, the work will often become all-consuming, so after I’m done, I need the rest to reset and reconnect with my loved ones, who I accidentally push out on occasion when the project is too consuming. Pausing between large projects thus helps me maintain my relationships and at least try to pretend I’m a functional adult. It also gives me time to recharge my batteries by playing games (since I play for the story), reading books, and listening to audiobooks when I can’t sit down and have to do something like cook dinner. Not to mention the million other creative outlets I use that are more artistic or craftsy than writing.  

However, the rest comes with its own costs. My moods are often more unstable as I transition from a big project to regular life, and eventually the thoughts I work so hard to suppress come back. While writing can bring about its own instability, I’m a lot more chaotic when I’m not working. Having a big project to occupy me has its benefits, and it’s easier to remain stable in a lot of ways. But big projects take time and energy, and even I, as superhuman as I sometimes pretend to be, need a rest as well.  

Well, what does that mean, you might be asking? It means that I’m resting. I’m still working on my current Big Project, I’m just between stages right now. I’m looking at what other short stories I can add to the collection I want to release next, jotting down ideas for others, and generally trying to keep busy as I pause to breathe. Breathing is important, after all, as it helps keep us alive.  

I want to get back to Tales of Vesperia. It’s an excellent game. After that, I plan to finish Tales of Symphonia (my Nintendo GameCube is long gone but I have a PlayStation 3 that lives in my bedroom for when my partner is using the living room TV.) I also have books that I need to finish, and a dozen other things I’ve started and abandoned because my focus is shot. One of the hard parts of being a creative person is keeping up with all the ways I express it and knowing there are more things out there I want to do but am unable to as of yet. If it were just writing, maybe I could focus. Maybe the restless thinking wouldn’t be so bad. But if all I had was writing, I wouldn’t have produced so much beauty, so maybe it’s not such a bad thing. After all, anything that makes the world a slightly more beautiful place isn’t so bad.