Being chronically ill means I’m not afforded the ability to rest when I don’t feel well, because I always don’t feel well. Something is always bothering me, and as a result, I’ve had to learn to function when others would take a moment, day, or week to rest. Part of it is because if I rested every time I didn’t feel well, I’d never get out of bed or off the couch. Part of it is society though. Society tends to view people like me through a narrow lens, one that is quick to call us out if it’s felt we’re being lazy. My illnesses being invisible doesn’t help here, and it comes with its own share of struggles.
As a result, it’s hard to know sometimes when I should push through and when I should take a break. And if I mess it up at all, my health has no problems letting me know I overdid it. And just recently I pushed through and now my health is letting me know I made the wrong choice.
That doesn’t mean I stop writing. It does mean my short-term goals change. Instead of doing the heavy lifting of a novel or even short story writing I’ll do editing. Or I’ll go over notes for different projects. I’ll brainstorm ideas for other projects, storyboard future projects, and things that take up fewer spoons, but I still get to show I’ve done something.
Right now, I’m doodling on my physical storyboard. It’s relaxing, for one. And it decorates something I frequently use, which helps bring art and beauty into my life. It’s about as much as I can stand to do right now because I pushed too hard just recently and burned out. Just existing is currently difficult, and the daily things I have to do to keep my household running are sucking up every last bit of bandwidth I have available. But because society is so quick to label me as lazy for taking a week or two off it gives me anxiety think about. Because of this, I’ve learned to shift my goals. And in this case, I’m choosing to doodle. I’m still getting work done because I’m taking the time to listen to audiobooks as I draw the same repeating patterns over and over, which is entertaining, helps me get work done, and allows me to both rest and feel good doing it. Everything else will be there when I’m ready, after all, and I really do need to take the time off and let my spell slots refresh.
Recognizing when I need to step away is the hardest part of my health struggles. I’m so used to pushing through feeling ill that I often don’t see that I do need to take it easy until I get knocked down for a week or longer. If I identify it early enough, I’ll change my course like I’m doing now. I’ll engage in other hobbies, read, watch something streaming, or game. It’s hard to pick up on the early signs, however, and pushing until I burn out forces me to rest and means my break will be that much harder to navigate.
If you’re chronically ill, and don’t know if you need a break, I’m giving you permission to rest. The book will be there when you’re feeling better. It’s a marathon, not a sprint after all. And if you work yourself into illness, it will take that much longer to finish it. So, rest. It will be there when you perk back up.