Every last one of you is both right and wrong about using the dialogue tag said. The problem is that it’s a rule that has a lot of missing context and nuance, because you need to know when to use it and when to use something else. And reducing it to quirky catchphrases is doing no one any favors. So I’m here to explain it and hopefully clear some things up.
First let me start off by saying that it should be the default, unless something else fits better. But why? Because when used appropriately it’s a neutral word. When you utilize it the way you should, it doesn’t jump off the page or call attention to itself. It’s practically invisible in that regard. The problem is when it’s used incorrectly is when everyone notices it.
The first problem is when it’s in every line of dialogue. If you have two people talking, you only need to use it occasionally. It should be clear who is talking when it’s two characters, because they’re going to alternate. But you should also be giving them separate speech mannerisms too, to help make it clear who’s speaking. We all talk differently, after all. We use different words and have different styles of speech and many of us have different tics as well, and learning how to give everyone a different voice is going to elevate your writing. It will also help keep said from becoming overused.
So with that in mind, you’ve gone through and fixed it. But it’s still jumping out at you. What then? Well, do you have any action beats? Here you can use those to orient the reader and avoid overusing said by having them do something. It helps add flavor text to the character’s mannerisms as well when you do this. It gives them depth, because who doesn’t have habits that set us apart from our friends? You can also describe facial expressions as well, which should also help orient the reader and say a lot more about what they’re thinking and feeling.
But what about yelling or whispering? That depends. Depending on the scene, it might be better to use an exclamation point for yelling, though that can also get repetitive if overdone. Whispering is a good use of an alternative to said, however, because that’s harder to convey. Not all dialogue tags work that well though. How does a person growl a word, or squeak? It’s when you use words like that that things get dicey. Dialogue tags do have their place for conveying tone and emotion, but you have to know when to use them, and how to use them effectively.
At the end of the day, writing is an art form, and you’re going to have to make judgment calls on what’s best for you. Not everyone will agree, and that’s okay. You can’t please everyone and if you try to you’re just going to drive yourself mad. The problem with advice surrounding the word said is that people are too quick to reduce it to an either/or situation, when it’s not black and white. There are times said is best, and there are times said is not best. And ultimately it’s up to you to decide. Whatever side of the argument you fall on is just as valid as the other side, and I hope this helps clear up some of the confusion. Because everyone is right. The problem is it’s situational.