The Hardest Part

I think the hardest part of an extensive project, like a novel, is remembering how you got from A to Z when it comes to starting a new one. At least, it is for me. I’ve written, to date, five novels and multiple novellas, as well as many short stories, and the hardest part is always starting a new leg of the new project. It’s like my brain gets so excited it sort of dumps everything it learned prior. You know, in school, how you’d spend all that time cramming, just to look at the test you were studying for and drawing a complete blank? Kind of like that.  

Because of this, I’ve had to accept that some measure of anxiety and frustration is part of the craft. I wouldn’t write if I didn’t get something out of it, but that’s not to say it’s all sunshine and roses. Each day I get 2000 words done in an hour is tempered by days I ran out of ideas. Or can’t find the words to bridge the gap between where I am and where I want to wind up next. It’s constant reminders that I have never aimed for a perfect first draft, that the real magic is in the revisions, or any of the other lessons I’ve learned along the way. It’s a constant reminder that I’ve been here before and come out the other side okay each time.  

That doesn’t make it less frustrating. Sometimes it’s more frustrating because it feels like I should know enough to not get bogged down here. And I can see why I’d think that. But sometimes the lesson you need to internalize isn’t that you’ll never get stuck so much as that this too shall pass. All of us get stuck. We all get angry at our work. All of us feel like imposters. It’s less those feelings and more how you deal with them that makes all the difference. Because they’re always going to be there, lurking around the corner, waiting to strike when you’re not feeling 100%. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to deal with hurdles like these, too. If the feelings are always going to be there, then how do you deal with them when they come up? 

How I got through previous works is something I review in my mind. It helps to remind myself that with everything I’ve finished, I’ve wound up here at least once. I let myself feel those feelings of frustration, and take a day or week off if I need to. And then I get back in the saddle. Acknowledging the very real frustration you’re experiencing is part of learning how to deal with it. You know when someone denies something you’ve experienced, how it makes the difficult feelings worse? You do that to yourself when you berate yourself for not living up to your own set of expectations. And as writers we tend to be the ones that are hardest on ourselves. Learning how to acknowledge your feelings and how to mitigate them so you can keep writing is an integral part of any success story after all. And part of that is learning how to validate yourself. Because writing is hard. It’s tedious and difficult and every last one of us has fought the urge to throw in the towel and delete everything at one point.  

I think the most integral part for me has been learning to acknowledge when things are hard. The second most integral part has been learning to step away and let my emotions settle. Even now, with twenty years of experience and multiple large projects under my belt, I still have days where I question all my decisions. I still have days I want to throw in the towel. And part of getting past all that is telling myself that my feelings are valid. That I’ve been here before, countless times, and that I’ve gotten through it each time. And it would be a damn shame to give up now, when I’ve made so much progress. 

Beyond that, having tricks under my belt to kickstart my sluggish thoughts helps. Venting in a document that will never see the light of day helps. Using story prompts helps. Taking a break to write something else, something shorter or work on a side project helps. But those are all important tools to have under your belt as well. You have to learn how to navigate when you just can’t write. Maybe it means switching gears. Not everyone has side projects, but enough of us do that it’s a valid coping skill. Maybe you need to step away for a week and recharge your batteries by reading or watching TV or playing games. Maybe you need to indulge in a half hour pity party before hiking your pants up and getting back to work. Whatever it looks like to you, keep those tools in mind when you get stuck, and you’ll have a roadmap of sorts to navigate when this happens. And it will. Just know that it happens to all of us, in varying amounts, and it’s one of the hurdles to success. If you want to make it, you have to be able to deal with the bad as well as the good. Because there will be many times it’s not all sunshine and roses.