It’s funny how brains work. You can want to do something so bad but sometimes the motivation just isn’t there. Sometimes it’s something we might not want to do but should, like exercise. Sometimes it’s something we need to do but keep putting off, like the dishes. Sometimes it’s avoiding that book you just purchased because you don’t have the available brain capacity to read it at that moment.
Take this blog post. I’ve been sitting at my desk for about three hours now, just staring at the various documents I open just to close them. I don’t normally wait for inspiration, and I have a lot of projects going so if I’m truly not vibing with one I can work on another. And usually, that works. If it doesn’t, I just pour words about how much it sucks that I can’t write into a document until the words start to come to me.
But sometimes it’s just not enough. There are different reasons why, but I suspect this time around it’s because of stress. Stress in my personal life, plus stress from the pandemic, from various problems in both the US and abroad, and stress from trying to survive in a society that doesn’t care if I live or die is weighing on me. And while writing is my usual go-to coping skill for dealing with those stresses, it’s a lot of work, and sometimes it just doesn’t work at all. It’s a shame because writing helps in so many ways. It gives me a chance to process things in a way that allows me to reframe the situation, for one. It also gives me satisfaction to create art that people enjoy. Sometimes though, things are so bad that my creative abilities take a nosedive.
One of the things that makes this frustrating is I took off a lot of December and January because I needed a break, especially during one of the most stressful times of the year. And that furlough certainly isn’t doing me any favors right now. I also know it takes time to get back to where I left off when I took that break (2000 words a day is pretty average when things are more typical for me.) Getting my brain back into gear takes some finesse, usually by shrinking my expected daily word goals to something more manageable, with my regular daily word count the end goal. But usually, I get at least something done. Right now, though, I’m just staring at various documents before closing them to open another.
That’s not to say I’m giving up just yet. It’s still early, so maybe my brain will produce words after a cup of coffee. Coffee doesn’t wake me up so much as sometimes helps improve my focus, and I haven’t had any yet today (as of right now it’s 9:10 AM so it’s hardly late.) I might step away from the computer for a little while to help relieve the stress of trying to force words and ideas I can’t think of too. Sometimes that helps as well.
And if none of that works, well, it’s not the end of the world. Sometimes I’ll take days like this off to do other things. I like jotting basic ideas down in my notebook in my downtime, and sometimes downtime helps generate other ideas. I also have maps to work on for various projects, since not everything I do is urban fantasy. I’ve also got reading–both for honing my craft and for pleasure–and other hobbies I also enjoy when I’m not wordsmithing. It’s not devastating if I don’t get anything written today. It might be disappointing, but that’s why I have hobbies after all. And if no words happen that’s okay. It happens to everyone and I’m certainly no different. All you can do is your best. And if you run through every idea to get the words flowing and they still don’t come, that’s alright. There is always tomorrow.